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emotionally drained, starving for hunger. Its the way things go. only wanting one. one thing only. only wanting to be, one thing only. I wish I was everything, the touch, the scent the air, the space, the world. you. I wouldnt let myself cry over something so meaningless, in such way, but its my fear that comes into play, which is always linked to the back of my mind, because I...blame myself for everything. feeling so happy for so long, feeling the feelings, being so strong. looking, & just wandering all along. why. why. why. .me. Ive never wonderd that. but I do now. missing this. and missing that. I shouldnt be. maybe its just that fear in my head. I did something wrong. & lost.
me=hella pissed off as of right now.anyways, Im finally back at home. I've been gone since wednesday. I had a lot of fun though. I hate being home anyways, for the most part. Im soooo tierd right now, and weak, and feel sick, and pissed, and everything negitive it sucks. I suck. whatevahsssssssss.
FUCK A LIVE JOURNAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I've sat here for a fucking hour trying to write, and its not working and its aggravating me so much, but just in my mind, everything is running through my mind, this that this that. you you you and you. people places what I should be doing, what I want to be doing, but none of the above is actually being done. Pretty pathetic. maybe...fuck this... Im over writing.ps. adrian, your wonderful, &&&&&&& I had fun with you the past few days we hung out, yoooouu are the bestest boyfriend evah, because Im sure you wanted to kill yourself, or wanted me gone like a bajillion hours earlier, but you still hung ouuutt with me... yeaaaa hahaha kidding.. but you never know, But yeaaaaaaaa I just wanted to say that I had fun and I lovahhh youuu. you best belive dat. haha ♥ ♥ ♥
well its like 12:30 right now, Adrian is at schoolies. & Im at his hooommmeee baored. Anyways.. Last night Janelle droped me off here. finally at like 9pm. which sucked cause I was soupossed to come over like 4835834 hours earlier.. oh well.. :\UHMMMMMMMMMMM Me and Adrian did nothing just watched tv, and shitttttttt. Justin came ovahhh, and we smokeeeeeed. I pretty much just ended up passing out around 1 I think. mmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm well now Im trying to take care of some 'busniess' but its not working and its aggravating me! GAH! [Adrian is so cute when he sleeps]hehe anyways.. Ima goooooooooooooooooooo. <3
when I see you I really see you upside down[[but my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around]]-I love my new layout so much-Anyways I love death cab, Im so excited for the showwwwwwww! yeaaaaaaa. uhmmm anywaysssssss, Today was pretty lame, I didn't really do anything... oh well. Tomorrow I would LIKE to do something but probly won't cause Im going to go to school on Wednesday morning, then Im going to lovers houseeeeeeee. woooo hoooo. :] I never relized how gay this journal is. Its so lame... but Ive had it for so long now I dont want to get rid of it, I have so many memories I want to remember always, cause my brian is fried and I forget things, and when I read old entries I look back and Im like WOW I remember that! hahahaha but yeaaaaaa I have nothingggggg else on my mind so Ima gooooooo. yeappppppp. BYESES!
The weekend has been soooooo wondahFullllll. [[[RECAP]]]Fridayyyyyyyyyy-Ashely droped me and Adrian off at his homeeeeeee, Hmmmm I think I wrote about this, But oh well, UHMMMMMM we went to breezeeeeee, he left, that was gayy... and I hung out with brittney Friday and Saturday, which fun Funnnnnn<33333 Saturday night we went to Adrians, which was Funnnnn OF COURSE. &&&&&& I discoverd why I love him so much, because he has SO MUCH FOOD!!!!!! haha no thats not the only reason but yea me and brittney grubbed at his house. :] We went back to her house, went to beddyyyyyyyy, I woke up hella early, So I could go see MCR. WHICH NOT TO MENTION ROCKED!!! yeaaaaaaaaa yeaaaaaaaa. Hmmmmmmmm But yea... what a Lame update, hmmmm but yea that was my weekend, it was fun. :] :] :] TOMORROWWWWWW I have nooo clue what Im doing, hopefully somthing, I don't wanna sit at homeeeeeeeeee. Hopefully I'll see muh lovahhhhhhh. :D yeaaaaaaaaa. okay well Yea byeeeeeee.
Right now Im with girlfriend. I love her. The night before I hung out with janelle. I miss her and love her. We had fun. We went to breeze, and my lovah was there really wasted. Girlfriend took care of him while I wasn't there. But I took care of him when I got there. Im the best. :] hahaha He spent the night at muh houseeeeeeee. We just layed down and watched Tv and shittttttt. Then BARLEY slept. Then this morning He came to school with me, School was lame. Then me and adrian walked out to desert and felt like ditchers. hahaha Thennnn ashshhaaalee came and picked us up, and we went back to her house and ateeeeeee and layed down for two seconds. me=hellaaa tierd. &&&& then I went home with adrian. Got on him computer, we took a nap, and we did it. hahahah [girlfriend made me write it] hahahah but anyways... he's wondahFuLLLL. &&& wayyy sweeeeeeeeet. <333 I have fun with him. lots. yea yea... well now Im just with girlfriend, and shes talking to greco matt on the phone. haha well yeaaaaa Until next time kids. ta ta. <3
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!HOW COME NONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKING FUCKERS COMMENT ON MY ENTRIES!FUCK YOU THEN!!!!!!haha.. anyways.. what a lame night. I watched dazed and confused though. I loveeeeeeeahhhh that movie. yea yea.OKAY what a waste of entry space. BYE!!!!!!
I really do suck at life...Iam really tierd of trying....is too complicatedso Im through. I'll just see how everything goes, &hopefully it will go the way im hoping. :\ &&&&It won'tgayyyyyy
I don't know why I do this stuff to me. It makes me hate myself more and more. :\Tonight was really fun. -dramaIm over EVERYTHING.&I'am and I don't care what anyone has to say. I need to think about my fucking self for a change. I don't want to be around anyone anymore besides a few certain people. Adrian is the best person to talk to. because HE listens to me, and at least he pretends he is,and he looks at me when I talk, and everything. I love that. I dont know, tonight was fun hanging out with him, no wonder hes my favorite. Hes wayyy sweet too. yea yea I likeeeeyyyyy him. yea yea... im embarassed. I hate saying I like someone I guess. Im shy about that stuff. OH and ps. If your reading this... sorry for being all jfhjdshfdsj weird tonight if I was any... and being 'negitive, I just feeeeeeeel sooo bad. I was myself... But not myself tonight, yah know... Im sorreyyyyy. but your wondahful. you made me have a fun night. :]Ima try and sleep. :\
I love the fresh prince. Its like a marathon all week.He is lame&Hes not getting into MY pants. His hope are so high. SUCKS for him. :]I get to see my baby this weekend. I love her..'TO THE MAX'Soooooooo Ima go apply at virgin records. how tyte would that be if I got a jobby there. TYTE as fuck.WELLLLL Ima go. BYESES.
I think to myself, how much I wish I could have it back. What did I do so wrong to have him hate me the way he does, and me hate him the way I do? We did nothing to eachother but be with eachother to some extent, hurt eachother to where it hurt to return to go back to the 'old' us. Why come back to me the way you do, but then continue to fuck me over again and again. I know you love me boy, and I'am something special. You cant deny it, no matter how much you want to tell yourself Im not. I don't know, I analyze things a lot. I think a lot about the present and furtue, and the past. How we used to be. Thats what I want. I want to feel for someone so much, that I go home and just expect and wait for there calls, even if its not to talk, you just call to tell me hi, and you miss me. I miss, I miss you's. I miss hearing from people, 'oh he does love you. no one really understands all what we had. Everyone just see's the outter mold of a relationship exploited and destructed. I don't know If we were meant to be. Meant to be anything. Meant to last. Meant to fade away. But I always say If you love something let it go, and if it comes back you will know. How many times have you come back? Thats how I know... We're meant to be something. I just don't think We will ever work out. --now that thats off my chest--I have nothing I want in life right now. I don't have a car, I don't have a job, I don't have the boy I want, or boys, I want.. god who knows what I want. I'am so unhealthy, I'am scared to go to the doctor, because Im scared to find out news that somethings wrong with me. I don't have good feelings about my health, and I don't eat well, or work out. I have to do things for myself. I drink almost every day of my life. I do other things occasinlly too. It needs to stop. and I'am going to stop. for myself.Im going out next week to try and find a full time job. I need it. I need money very badly also. My mommys going to new york again this weekend. I hope she has fun, and I'll miss her. I miss her everyday.I want so much out of life, and I feel like Im going to end up with the shitty's life ever. I can never be happy, and when I'am, my happiness fades. Everyone takes what they have from me. I give my heart out to so many people for them to break it. Im not going to have any emotion left, and Im scared of that. I feel alone right now. Though I know I'am not. But I really am. I can't trust anyone for the life of me. Recently a friend screwed me over. again. I don't trust that certain friend. and I never have. and I won't ever. Though I'll continue being there friend.. They don't mean much to me. I could care less if they were in my life tomorrow. I use them for comfort when I have no one else. yea. I use them.I want a lot right now. I want my life to fall into place, and Im hoping it falls into a place where Im content soon, because otherwise If it doesn't.. I will go crazy.. I need something new.
How Good are you at Certain Things?
Name Age Favorite Color Nickname Sex - 59%Romance - 85%Self - Control - 7%Kissing - 68%Cuddling - 17%Kinkiness - 7%
This QuickKwiz by KillianO - Taken 125878 Times.</a>Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz
yea..andyea..never again.. I cant even wash this off. someone come help me.. :[ haha<3
-Wrestle-Fight-Start drama-pick on the only girl in the room-throw shoes at eachother-color on eachtoher with markers-talk shit to eachother-wanna fight eachother-eat.drugs.eat.-drink.sleep.oh its 8am lets get beer.Well tonight was brittneys party, It was a lotta fun. she looked hot of course. I lovah her. I didnt wanna stay the night anywhere cause my dads girlfriend was sick so I left her house, with the intentions of getting a ride home cause someone told me they would... which they ended up getting wasted and not bringing me home, and Im still at the same place Ive been and its 4:09 pm. Im not complaning.. I just havent gotta any sleep... and I need to wait till he wakes up because I dont know who else to ask... :\ oh well... Im ovah it. Anyways... Brittney baby we will hang out this week when my daddy is back. Kayyy I love you<3Well I came to betseys. Wooo I love this girl so much. It was crazy over here. everyone was really faded. But yea... the weekend was pretty great, for not doing anything the past two days. I love everyone. <3
Thanks to Raina for making this.this is misshttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v
Ahhh... Well ashley Just left. I just woke up... last night turned out to be veryyyyyy fun, in the fact that we went out with ZERO plans. NOTHING to do at all. Well Me Joey Mark and Terron and of course ashley went to Nicks. We got are drink on. Then he called cassie and we ended up at a party. I didnt think everyone there would be as nice as they were, cause a lot of the people there wernt my type of 'crowd' but everyone was wayyyy nice. UHmmmmMM Matty, Christian, this mystery boy taylor who I see around all the time, I finally talked to, and this boy... god I forget his name...came, with that girl angie. shes soo cuteeee. Soooo that was cooool. Uhmmm I drank a loota beeer. It was a fucking kegger two kegs, and I did 3 keg stands and I felt 'sooo coool' cause everyone was calling me a champ for how long I could do one and shit. HAHAHAHA good times. Everyone was just pretty wasted, You kids who have school suck. haha to bad.. no going out for you bitches during the week. WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL back to sleeeeeeeeeeep. I'll update later.<3
Smiles a TON♥ ♥ ♥ ♥My day just was made.
New Journal For you fags. actually this aint new. I have a lot of hidden entries you cant read inless your on my friends. SUCKSSS FOR YOU! its old bullshit anyways. But anyways... Tomorrow Im hanging out with my lover ashhhaaaleee. <33333333I have so much school work to do and it fucking sucks!Im so aggravated. I want to write out so much... But Im not going to... Im cutting A LOT of damn people out of my life sooner or later. I alredy cut a lot. there will be more.SNIP SNIP SNIP.. you are eliminated.lol janelle... The assistant. hahah <33333333333GODDDDDD this is the longest Ive gone without making out with someone. How long has it been now.. almost 2 weeks? hahaha MAN I NEED SOME LOVING!!!! who wants to give me some?!?